Melissa - The story of your mom's death is poignant and sweet. Mangini felt that the repetend could be, "siren's wooing, lights flashing, blue and red lights" - and I think most of the class felt the same. Very powerful images. The "Last Words" section was startling - in a good way - and really brought home the feeling of loss. In that section, the class felt the words were "big" enough to stand on their own, and should be more dialogue and less exposition. We liked the idea of you bringing in your mother's sweater and describing it and how you interacted with it, using all the senses. The Halloween theme can be used if it is significant. Everyone loved the tatoo, Mangini suggested that you introduce a story behind it earlier so it would have more impact at the end.
Sandra - Your story about overcoming difficulties was very sweet and uplifting. After workshop, it was clear that your place was the transition between sadness and happiness. Mangini suggested starting the twitterive during the Spring 2010 and working memories into the story to show what came before. All of us wanted to know more about your dad and cancer and how it affected you. Some suggested taking out some of the videos and using some of the significant lyrics in their place, or showing what you were doing or how you felt about the songs - a connection to you, emotionally. Everyone liked the idea of using song lyrics as a found poem to show the transition.
Natalie - Your twitterive was really amazing - you brought that window seat to life, it became a character within the narrative. The story was complete, from each memory to what the chest meant to you and how you used it as your "time capsule." Mangini's suggestion was towards arrangement; he said that the story should start with your mother telling you it's time to clean it out and then you can go back as you look through the chest and tell the story. I loved the Holocene video, it added a philosophical element to the story - something beyond you and your life. What do all these "things" mean? It's a great way to end a story - allow the reader to question. Mangini suggested putting some meaningful lyrics next to the video if you wanted to remove the explanation in the Afterword.